I don’t know why all at once everything is making itself more significant to me. Or why for some reason, I can’t stop thinking about the future looming ahead.
Later today there is a career/internship fair, not any different from the fairs from the year before, yet in importance it has gone up tenfold. These fairs are instrumental in Computer Science because it allows us to obtain internships (much more important than a normal job) where we will learn the field that we’re getting into. I am in constant struggle, comprehending what and who and which employers I should stake out as important.
I am worried about what I will say and wear, what they will ask and see, and who, if any, will see any significance in me. I am in between the lines, roughly, struggling for a way to make myself known in a world where it seems my individuality is suspect to the tides of chance and luck.
I want to go to grad school. I want my life to be more meaningful than a degree, but I want to do research too – research in something that’s important to me. There are a lot of loops to getting there. Good grades, fantastic GRE scores, internships, jobs, experience, personality. My sense of self-doubt is preventing me from seeing it as possible.
But in a while, I will dress nicely. I will smile widely. I will be personable.
I will show them the confidence I dare not fake.
I will be who I am and tell them of who I want to be.
And finally, I will hope the big hopes and dream the big dreams because without them I am nothing.
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