After Tomorrow

No matter how hard I try, I can’t see past tomorrow.

And it’s killing me inside.

Contentment

I wonder what that word is that describes the ultimate feeling of contentedness and at the same time perfects the ideal of unhappiness.

What am I? Where am I? Why am I?

The thoughts ring constantly in my head, questions always going further than the statements that answer them. It is not so much that I am here and the time I am given, but rather what I do that can grant me happiness.

And right now it is different.

I am content, true. I am here, true.

But that’s not to say that I am happy.

Chips

I’ve had chips for the first time in quite a long time and I’ve found, quite surprisingly, they scar the inside of my mouth. Yes, scar. So now, I sit here in the dark with a sore mouth, feeling slightly unhealthy, and all the more with the screwed up sleeping schedule.

I feel rather weak-sauce for having the inside of my mouth scarred by food. BUT WHATEVER – tis the life of those that don’t normally eat such things, eh?

sleep sleep sleep

I wonder if it is by some miracle that the majority of people practicing academia (not necessarily academics) can sleep so little yet still think so much.

I find that at this hour all things not only seem clearer but completely transparent. At this time of night I can see all my flaws, my downfalls, my mistakes during the day which, when in the thick of it, simply blazed overhead. I realized how foolish it was to say this or that, how completely simple a math problem was, or just how beautiful the rest of the day was, everything.

Life is as bare as it ever will be so late at night.

qualia

And to some extent we are all but reflections of one another transposed in the relation by which we are born. All the breaths in between can be considered variable, infinitely so, but variable nonetheless. And if we consider it that – even so much as that – we fall to the trappings of the unknown regardless. Born under different circumstance, how would I see the world?

Differently, but how much more? Infinitely more?

Test Rituals

Relax.

Refill the barrel of favorite mechanical pencil.

Ensure that eraser has no dark spots on the edges.

Breathe.

Retie shoes – make sure they’re tight.

Crack knuckles – make fingers nimble.

Yawn.

Wash face to wake up.

Toothbrush again.

Go.

Consequences of Technology

I was browsing through LifeHack in my Google Reader, an online tool which allow reading through multiple RSS feeds, when I came across this article. It poses the question: “Where would you be today without social media tools?”

Now, that got me thinking. It’s amazing how profound, and yet at the same time skewed, of a life is possible with the advent of internet. In such a large way, I feel spoiled by all of this. I type on my blog as if it were nothing, a simple tool that relays information from one user of the internet to the other. Yet, despite this view,  it is the culmination of some software engineers’ dream.

Then to what extent can we really overlook such simple wonders as being able to type a few words, publish, and near instantaneously have others read from all over the world?

It’s so amazing.

Where would we be without these “series of tubes” that practically govern a vast majority of trades of information in our lives? I mean sure, the internet without the social networking would pretty much suck. But without the internet, what would life be?

While the convenience is most certainly present, to what cost can we attribute good to it?

I remember growing up in rural Philippines, near farms and quite a ways from all the luxuries and curses of a big city. I believe that was an amazing way by which to spend the first parts of life; running around fields, playing as children play, truly feeling a deep sense of connectedness to family, friends, and neighbors around me. I fear sooner or later such simple pleasures will not be as prevalent.

And yet, how is the next generation to grow? Will they run around the virtual playground? Pick fights on message boards? Will they take countless pictures of their faces, picking only the ones that look the best? Friend counts as a gauge of personal worth? Update user profiles as a definition of their character?

But maybe they’ll find Wikipedia? I sure as hell would have loved an encyclopedia growing up.

And then I begin wondering how individuals of the past were able to keep contact through great distances and still survive keeping a sense of connectedness with family, friends, and loves.

I mean, sure, it’s easy as hell to send an email or make a call. But a letter takes time to both write, send, and receive. This new age of instantaneous information will strip away a lot of the romanticism of the past. And in that way, I suppose it will create its own. Most certainly it will create its own.

I don’t think I could easily survive without the internet, and that disappoints me at times. Coming from a Computer Science major, that must seem odd.

But still…

I have heard the story of lovers sending letters across great oceans. I’ve yet to hear the story of lovers poking one another on Facebook.

Karma

Karma, I am sure, works. It is not so much that if you do good, good things will happen or, conversely, if you do bad, bad things will happen. I believe karma works at a much simpler level.

Karma works through perspective; if you do good you will see more of the good in the world, if you do bad you will see more of the bad in the world.

An optimist is happy not because good things have always happened but because in the face of bad there will always be a perceivable good – even if it is through self.

And, in the end, he was right.

“Be the change you want to see in the world.” – Mahatma Gandhi

Lunch

Every Wednesday, between the hours of 3:00pm and 4:00pm, I sit in Plaza, a dining hall in Revelle, and eat lunch.

Of course, with lunch being relative, as is lunch time, it usually involves simply caffeinating. With Plaza not having much in terms of food, an energy drink is usually all I can really get anyway.

But regardless of how Plaza lacks food, the environment here at Revelle, I like. It’s quieter than most other parts of campus and, truth be told, its look is growing on me. Being probably the oldest part of the university, it has a feel different from the forest-like environment of evergreen Muir, or the coldness of the architecturally complex engineering buildings of Warren.

I like the difference. It’s a nice change for “lunch”.

Time Traveller

“make: Warning: File ‘HashTable.java’ has modification time .99 s in the future”

Maybe next time you compile – you will have time travelled as well.

Thank you for making my life interesting, Computer Science.